guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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