make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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