The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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