Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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