OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
