The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
