i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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