Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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