There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
