We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize