I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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