I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
