My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
