wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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