they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the day after is always just damage control
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Randomize
