woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need to sanitize my soul.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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