So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
