so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
