he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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