I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
