in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
