I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
