Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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