I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
