When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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