is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
