u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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