I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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