saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
