Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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