How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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