I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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