when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We were destined to go to rehab together
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
