my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
