Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
