so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
