I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
