Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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