I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
