The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
