If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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