Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
