the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
