The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
