After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
