why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
