i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
