she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
