Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize