does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
