If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
