i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
