Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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