Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
