You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
