Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
