3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
