Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
