It's like God shit irony all over that family
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
