It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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