I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
