I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
