jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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