Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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