My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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