I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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