That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
did you just send me my own nude
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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