What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
