I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
