I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
