After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
