What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
