i think i have herpe
just one?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
