does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
