Pants 0. Shit 1.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do vagina's smell?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
