We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
