She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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