I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
