He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
