You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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