I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
