Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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