never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
