i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
