We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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