standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize