I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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