It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
