i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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