I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize