I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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