stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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