watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
