i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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