Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
