Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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