my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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