can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
