Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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