I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
