How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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