he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
