She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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