i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
