This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
