woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
