I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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